Laid up atm, housebound with the walls closing in...
Decisions, decisions, decisions...
Hole in the wall operation.
Last year... Q/- Do you want a receipt...? Options - Y / N.
This year... Q/- Do you wish to increase the voltage to the banker we have wired up...? Options - Y / N.
My friends are on Twitter, but I don't know how to use it. So I carry a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times.
I shout, "I'm in the library to loan a book!"
I now have three followers - two policemen and one community support officer.
Q/- What is the smallest unit of time?
A/- The interval between the traffic light changing to green and the tosser behind you honking their horn
A light-hearted look at why I get irritated...
Start a sentence with the phrase, "I'm not racist, but..."
Just stand there after getting off the lift.
Try to lock the bathroom / toilet door more than once.
Say "correct" instead of "yes."
Can't enjoy the film because it wasn't exactly like the book.
Think pressing the lift buttons repeatedly will make it go faster.
Say, "Question!" before asking a question.
Raise their voice at the end of every thought...? So everything they say sounds like a question...?
Hold the door open for you when you're still 20 / 30 yards away, forcing you into an awkward jog of gratitude.
Q/- The world is £4 trillion in debt. But which planet do we owe it to?
Give a man a fish and he'll feed himself for a day. Leave him on his own while the footy is on TV and he'll definitely watch is in his underpants.